Gay Girl Geek

So, this is a big, major announcement:

I don't think a master's degree in computer science is for me.

A master's degree might be. But not in comp sci. See, I didn't really enjoy my experience at Berkeley. Hated it, in fact. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad: I enjoyed living in the Bay Area for awhile, and hooking up with Berkeley Circle K was one of the best things I've ever done. But the job was made of suck.

I've spent the past few days trying to analyze why exactly it sucked. In part, it was because my mentor was awful. The whole point of the program was mentorship, and I don't feel like she mentored me at all. If anything, I got the impression that she didn't like me and underestimated my abilities because of the school I'm from. But it wasn't just my mentor.

I also hated the work itself. Maybe it's just that computer vision isn't for me. Maybe it's just that I didn't feel anyone else cared about the work. Maybe it was pent-up frustration from working in C, which is not even close to my favorite language.

But really? Honestly? I think it's doing research that's the problem. I don't think I'm cut out for it. I hated reading all the papers about what other people have done in the field. And I hated writing my own paper even more.

See, the point of writing a paper, unless I'm completely wrong, is to show other people what you've done. But in reality, who gives a shit? I doubt my mentor at Berkeley even read my paper. The people at DREU will probably read it. But no one else will. And even if I had some sort of original, breakthrough, awesome idea, and tons of computer scientists read it and cited it and used it in their own work, that doesn't feel like enough to me. If other people using my work was what I'm after, I could get that from an open source project and go through a hell of a lot less money and hassle.

One of the major cliches about higher education is that you spend a lot of time learning a lot about very little. And I don't think that's what I want to spend the next few years of my life doing.

So, maybe not grad school. But the business world is definitely not for me. Yeah, good benefits and good pay are awesome. But being a code monkey sounds even less appealing than writing papers. Whatever I'm looking for in my life's work, I've always known I'm not gonna find it in a cube farm.

Instead, I've got a crazy idea. It's not an original idea, but it's a revolutionary one.

I think technology can help people.

I want to work on a project like OLPC (although hopefully one that's a little more successful). I want to be like the people who are running NadaNet right now. I want to participate in tech bridge world.

In short, I want to take what I know about computers, and use it to actually make a difference in someone's life.

I have no idea how I'm going to do this. It might involve a master's degree but not directly in computer science. It might involve joining the peace corps or americorps or some similar organization. The answer might be to suck it up, do the higher education, and then teach somewhere. Get girls interested in comp sci somehow.

Like I said, I don't know how I'm going to do it. I just know that I can't settle for anything less. So I'm going to find a way. I'm going to combine my two passions, and I'm going to make something awesome happen.

Wish me luck.