Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Self-Made Man

So to preface this... I'm sorry I haven't been updating lately. A bruised shoulder and a crap-ton of homework will cause that.

So, I said in one of my early posts that I thought I saw gender differently than most people. I'm gonna have to retract that statement, and edit it: I think I see sexual roles differently than most people, but not gender itself.

The reason for me changing my mind? I read Self-Made Man.

The premise of the book is that the author, a lesbian, decided to disguise herself as a man for about a year. She's not a transvestite or anything - she just wanted to do it as a social experiment. And her findings and the way she wrote about them are incredibly interesting.

When I first started reading the book, I didn't like the author at all. She struck me as an annoying feminist liberal - the type of person who looks down her nose at everyone. The whole premise of the book is based upon her deception of everyone, and at the beginning, it doesn't seem to bother her at all. But through the course of the book, she undergoes a very noticeable transformation. She begins to relate better with men, and she feels a great deal of remorse for the deception the book is based upon.

Regardless of how you feel about the author, the book itself is eye-opening. I wish I had a copy to give to every straight girl who's ever wondered why her boyfriend won't talk to her. The author discusses a man's role from a man's eyes (or nearly a man's eyes). She had to undergo not only a physical transformation, but a personality transformation as well in order to be perceived as a man. She found out firsthand how society restricts men emotionally, and how men's friendships work.

I think I liked the book the most because it made sense within my own experience. The author had a lot of things to say about women, some of them less obvious than you would expect, and some of them downright accusing. For example, when she started dating women as a man, she realized firsthand how much bias and hatred men experience from women - they're guilty until proven innocent most of the time.

The book also made sense when I thought of the majority of the guys I know. I tend to make friends with guys who don't follow the stereotypical gender roles, and I think that has minimized the issue a lot in my eyes. I've always thought that if my friends can do it, everyone else should be able to, too - but it's not that simple. I think if I've gained nothing else from reading this book, it's a newfound appreciation for men in my life who ignore the stereotypes, and perhaps a little more patience with the men who don't.

I think the book also changed my perception of myself as "one of the guys." As much as I may feel that way sometimes, I'm really not. I still relate as a woman does, with all of the pros and cons that come with that. For example, I need to hear the I love you when I'm in a relationship - it's never good enough for me that it's implied - but I also am quite comfortable discussing my feelings in pretty much any situation. There are generalizations here, obviously - I know plenty of men who discuss their feelings openly, and some women who don't. But the point is, I think I'm a lot more stereotypically feminine than I give myself credit for sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships with men.

In any case, I highly recommend the book, especially if you're really interested in gender stuff like I am. And if you do read it, I want to hear what you think of it. :-)

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